Goodbye Enormous Jeans
Though you always fit me quite well
The waist band kept getting slack
as much of my weight fell
I kept you in my bottom drawer
There was only room for you
You're made of enough denim
to make a tent or two

And it seems to me I was quite content
living life quite overweight
Never counting calories
or avoiding cake
And I would have probably stayed fat
for the rest of my shortened life
I started drinking SlimQuick
at the urging of my wife

Losing weight was tough
And so was skipping meals
I finally got to see my shoes
but pain was the price I paid
So even when I die
all my friends will have to say
I'm glad he lost all that weight
No hernias for the pallbearers today

And it seems to me that I lived my life
like a food eating machine
I may have been gigantic
but at least I was clean
And now I do commercials
for this awful diet drink
I pretend that it tastes so good
and then spit it in a sink

Goodbye Enormous Jeans
from the young man much slimmer now
Who sees you as something of a symbol
of the weight that had to go

Now it seems to me that I live my life
like a Richard Simmons clone
I am sick of frozen yogurt
I want an ice cream cone
Yes, I'll continue to work out
at least three to four times a week
and continue this obsession
of this thin body I seek